Jason X. I’ve been dreading this. You may ask yourself why I’m doing this? Well, I like to torture myself. Ever since I watched this back in 2002, I have hated it. The following are observations I made about this movie. Yes, there will be nitpicking.
1.) The DVD menu is bleh
2.) The New Line Cinema logo, we’re in for some shit.
3.) I like how the opening teases you about Jason being in Hell.
4.) God, this opening is terrible.
5.) The score and main title tried..
6.) Hey, that’s an eyeball (Friday the 13th Part 3 reference)
7.) The credits are trying to be edgy.
8.) Kane Hodder as Jason..-1 point
9.) Now, this part of the score is relaxing 🙂
10.) Wait, it’s shit again.
11.) It’s sad that Harry Manfredini scored this.
12.) Yep, the small town of Crystal Lake has its own research facility.
13.) The people at this facility are nice enough to keep Jason’s mask on.
14.) Jason is the next Houdini!
15.) This mask is just yuck.
16.) Jason’s hair is pubes!
17.) Luckily, this one guard should be enough to watch the most dangerous mass murderer in history!
18.) David Cronenberg has no right to judge any movie, he was on this for Pete’s sake.
19.) Whoever designed this facility must be one depressed mother humper!
20.) Cronenberg was killed by Jason. Nuff said.
21.) The staff at the Crystal Lake Research Facility keeps spare machetes lying around.
22.) A Jason flavored popsicle!
23.) No one looked for that poor woman. She frozen all this time. She was probably a bitch.
25.) Syfy channel presents…
26.) Yep, a total bitch.
27.) CGI blood splatter!
28.) Stupid CGI wind.
29.) The pilot is from all those crappy Romero zombie movies of the new millennium. He was on Dawn ’04 and Black Sheep.
30.) This actually came out to theater.
31.) Tony Todd Ripoff
32.) Lunar Estates.
33.) This CGI looks good, if this were a god damn TV show.
34.) Snappy dialogue!
35.) Now, it has become Jason takes Manhattan!
36.) Science Jargen.
37.) That blond scientist is hot, too hot for this movie. So, is Lexa Doig and Lisa Ryder.
38.) I bet Jason is hung like a Mammoth!
39.) Nano-ants in your pants.
40.) Jason’s eye looks like a green grape.
41.) The fact that she won’t drop that chain dressing around her body is just plain sad.
42.) It’s okay now, you’re safe in the year 2455. 2455!
43.) Leprechaun ripoff #1
44.) Dated humor of DVDs
45.) Gweedy teach needs sum doe
46.) The Collector from Guardians of the Galaxy should buy Jason’s frozen bod.
47.) Jason’s face.
48.) Nipple pinching.
49.) CGI nipples
50.) Sex awakens the Voorhees.
51.) That situp was funny. Yo’ funny Jace.
52.) The Kane Hodder breath. God.
53.) Space machete.
54.) Earth Two is the best they could come up with. What am I saying? This is Jason X.
55.) This movie has a strong message about greed.
56.) Oh, burn! Witty balls comeback.
57.) We’re safe, yeah of course.
58.) Leprechaun 4 ripoff #2
59.) This virtual reality stuff is amusing, I give it that.
60.) Jason wins. Fatality.
61.) I hate those whispers. They were on every horror movie around this time.
62.) Hippie man
63.) I like to think Hippie Man is a distant relative of Chong from Friday the 13th Part 3.
64.) Rimshot, where did he go?
65.) Leprechaun ripoff # 3
66.) That soldier has Ronda Rousey hairdo.
67.) Who said this mask was a good idea, should be forced to run laps around the track until they crap their pants.
68.) That got screwed.
69.) Halloween ripoff.
70.) Ahhh! Jace scared the dump out of me.
71.) CGI BLUD
72.) How does she know Tony Todd ripoff is alone?
74.) MO’ CGI
75.) Star Wars.
76.) Jason destroy a city.
77.) God, this is embarrassing..
78.) G-O-N-E GONE!
79.) I can’t believe this was greenlit.
80.) This movie would be better if Jason accepted fame and fortune over killing.
81.) Stoney’s going to meet me in my room. Shut up, idiot.
82.) What’s a bike? ha
83.) Haha Microsoft conflict.
84.) Stupid bitch closed the door.
85.) Much like his ancestor, the Hippie man meets his demise with an electrical box (See Friday the 13th Part 3)
86.) Open the door, buttchin.
87.) Matrix shit.
88.) Why does Hodder do the breath.
89.) Jason #NeverGivesUp
90.) Now, this is an Apollo 13 ripoff. Which reminds me that MadTV did a spoof of Apollo 13 called Apollo the 13th: Jason Takes Nasa. So, this movie ripped MadTV off too..
91.) The nano-ants looks like TV static.
92.) Uber Jason *Puke*
93.) Oh, grate. Pun intended.
94.) The machine upgraded his machete.
95.) Jason needs to visine.
96.) Video game graphics.
97.) It seems to run on some sort of electricity.
98.) I actually like the virtual Crystal Lake scene. *Puke*
99.) That classic Friday the 13th music don’t belong in this movie though.
100.) This whole movie is one big oops.
101.) Crystal Lake was proud of the fact of their town promiscuous teens that they put it in the history books.
102.) Ha, Friday the 13th Part 7 reference.
103.) Alien: Resurrection ripoff.
104.) Leprechaun 4 ripoff #?
105.) Luckily, the sequel didn’t happen.
106.) The shot of the mask was so cool that in the 2009 remake, they reused it for their movie!
107.) God, this score.
108.) I feel bad for everyone who made this movie, especially him.
109.) People told Manfedini this was a good idea.
110.) Just think, this came out before Freddy vs. Jason!
111.) I wonder if anyone except me has sat through these end credits?
112.) Oh, Manfredini didn’t do this song. He still worked on this movie though.
113.) This movie sucks!.
Hopefully you enjoyed these random comments. Happy Friday the 13th!